Have you ever found yourself saying, “I’m an introvert and being around a lot of people just gets to me,” or, “I’m extroverted and being alone too much sucks?” Measuring how often you engage and the ways you interact with others can help you better understand if you're truly introverted or extroverted, but how do you know when it’s time to disconnect?
Regardless of whether you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert, knowing when (and if) it’s time to unplug and recharge can sometimes be confusing and create its own kind of anxiety. Yet, not honoring the internal messages that you need some solitude could be just as detrimental to your wellbeing. Below are some tips that can help clear some of the doubt. But first, let's take a closer look at what introversion and extroversion really mean.
Introversion and extroversion is not a binary concept; it’s a spectrum. Where we actually fall on this spectrum is determined by how we derive or direct our energy. Moreover, lifestyle, occupation, and location are all factors that play an important part in how we are able to balance our daily lives with our innate place along this spectrum. For example, someone who identifies as an introvert may find themselves in a career which requires they appear more extroverted. On the surface that person may appear to be the life of the party, but in reality they are pushing the limits of their comfort zone in order to thrive professionally. Or, take someone who lives in a small town who inherited their family’s business. They may have comfort and success professionally, but they secretly long to have a big-city lifestyle.
It’s also important to note that these needs don’t necessarily remain constant and our natural inclination isn’t fixed in one position forever. Over time, as life happens, circumstances arise that may drive someone further in either direction. Some great examples that elicit changes include a new relationship, the loss of a loved one, a career change, or a sudden disruption to everything we thought of as “normal,” like the one caused by the quarantine due to the global pandemic!
The reality is that both extroverts and introverts - and those that fall somewhere in between - may experience conflicting emotions when it comes to honoring time to themselves. The more introverted folks may feel drained and depleted at the thought of social interactions, but feel guilty for declining yet another invitation. Whereas those who lean more extroverted may realize they need time to rest and recharge, but believe they can’t decline an invitation, and should always be “on” for fear of missing out or not being in the know.
For everyone across this spectrum, it's important to understand the extent to which we allow shame or guilt around unplugging from social activity to prevent us from tuning in to our mental and emotional needs. Here are 3 tips to help you honor when it’s time to disconnect:
Learn to say ‘No’ if you’re a ‘Yes’ person
For some, the default answer to things is yes with little consideration given to the logistics for actually being able to do the things they're agreeing to do. This is a sign that they may have issues with setting boundaries, and can often lead to feelings of resentment when we feel spread too thin. Learning to say no can sometimes be a hard road for people and requires some reflection and investigation. But once we do, we find it's actually easier to feel good about those choices once we've made them because we’re honoring ourselves and our own autonomy. Setting boundaries can be quite liberating.
2. Recognize the symptoms of social anxiety
It’s no secret that people with social anxiety tend to instinctually disconnect from the source of the discomfort, that is being around people. Social anxiety can manifest physically and mentally. Some of the physical symptoms are shortness of breath, trembling and even nausea and lightheadedness. Psychological features include overwhelming and distressing thoughts about being around people, fear of public speaking, fear of intimacy, as well as guilt and shame. The onset of these symptoms can appear even at the prospect or idea of being in a social setting. Although in many cases of people with social anxiety, the person has seen signs of the issue from a younger age, traumatic experiences can also trigger the condition later in life. In this case, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves. Working with a trusted therapist or mental health professional can equip those who suffer with the practical tools and skills they need to work through the underlying causes of social anxiety so that they can reclaim their lives.
3. Challenge FOMO
Some people tend to agree to a lot of things, and double or overbook themselves in the hopes that having all the options available will give them more opportunity to have the "best" time. We constantly receive messages that there is always “something better out there,” which can trap us into choice paralysis. We get so overwhelmed with options that we freeze up and actually end up choosing nothing. Even worse, we may never feel quite satisfied with the choice that we've made because we believed that some other option could have been better. In this state of worry or fear, we can find ourselves experiencing constant dissatisfaction which may lead to other symptoms such as depression and anxiety. This ultimately creates a vicious loop where we’re caught in a cycle of perpetual unease and unhappiness.
The bottom line:
Everyone can benefit from unplugging and recentering once in a while. However, honoring when it’s time to disconnect can only happen if we’re in touch with our internal needs. Depending on your personality type and current life circumstances, you may desire or need more social interaction during some times compared to others. Being able to recognize not only your emotional cues, but also physical signs that it’s time to disconnect will help you live a more authentic life where your feelings are aligned with your values and behaviors.